Oops I Crapped My Life - Wedding Edition

Samantha Bickerstaff is not my real name and I am back to blog as I go through the trials and tribulations of wedding planning

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

Double Booked?
So two weeks ago, I traveled home to attend the much awaited funeral of a dear friend, who is one of those everyday heros we should all strive to be more like. Well after the funeral, I went to my parents house. They informed me that my reception site had infact booked another wedding the same night as mine and had a convention ending 2 hours before my ceremony is to begin! My parents, bless them they are amazing, heard this compiled a list of questions and set up a face to face with the site to go over how they were going to handle the situation they had created.

You see, I have no problem with other events, it is just we booked over two years ahead of time and feel we should be given priority since they have had our deposit money for that long to use. Well the plan is for the brides not to see each other. I mean this girl has to be a bit off her rocker, personally I would not want to share my site with another bride, whom the venue has said is their priority for the night. Who wants to be number 2 apparently a bride named Adler.

So her wedding ceremony is in public and cocktail hour is outside, while mine is all inside because I know how the weather is in Baltimore in late August/September hello frizzy hair! So, after we are announced at our reception and the doors are closed, then her guests will walk by our room (being given instructions to be as quiet as possible) to go to her much smaller and uglier ballroom. If it rains, then it gets all the more complicated but it should be fine and if it is not our venue is going to hear about it like no other.

So would you want to be told you can book your wedding venue but another bride is being given priority on everything?

Monday, November 21, 2005

Gag me with a spoon, preferably one I registered for!

There are some but ass ugly bridesmaid dresses out there. Holy cow. So here are some of my favorites:

Hosiejo calls this one Cinderella gone wrong:

This one is just bit overshadowing:

This one is super sexy Caution move the kiddies from the monitor:

Saturday, November 19, 2005

So yeah K proposed like on my birthday over a year ago. Then my sister got engaged so we put our wedding off till Sept 2006. Now we are down to less than a year so I am in the midst of planning.

A few weekends ago I got my dress it is amazing. I am so excited. Starting to look for bridesmaid dresses. Now the Sammy dirt we all love....

So I invited an old friend to be my bridesmaid like the night we got engaged - she was so excited well since then she has barely talked to me and never seems to be able to make or keep plans with me. Her excuse is oh I have plans with a friend= what am I chopped liver? So she drops out of being a bridesmaid which is good because I was going to ask her to step down but she did anyways. I am just really hurt because I thought we were friends but once again I am proved wrong. Lets see if she even attends the wedding.... DRAMA

What else hmmm so many issues with my inlaws that will get its own post I mean seriously.

I am back baby!

Sunday, April 11, 2004


I have not written. In between now and the last post life has happened. I am sick of people making me feel like shit for every mistake I make. G-d Forbid i do not want to do something or I am jsut tired and want some time for me. I always give and give and give of myself to others. Is it wrong I just want to have some time for me? If so, then why does the one person I love keep giving me a hard time about it and make me feel like shit for it. I am sick of being punished. I am sick of trying to be miss perfect. Oh yeah and fuck christians and your stupid easter and having it close every fucking store in town. Guess what I would rather have classic coke then new coke? who wouldn't just do not get the whole jesus thing. So fuck you and fuck your religion.

Wednesday, February 18, 2004

Don't Fuck With Me

Okay people. You know what it is called when you take something from someone without telling them? Stealing. Yes we all make mistakes but it is just shady. THe only way to rectify it is to give the money back that is not yours. I mean seriously people. I am not saying this to be tight. A few dollars does not mean that much to me but it is just the principle behind it. You do not give money out and get nothing in return. Not how things are done. Nothing personal the person who took the money thought she was doing right but we all do stupid things even I have done similar but that does not make it right. It is also easy to let other people sway your decisions do not make them until you ask for and have seen the g-d damn mother fucking numbers and then you will see that wait I actually do not owe you money. Oh and if I had not incurred an expense for your benefit, you would have owed me over $500 so who gets off easy. Makes $100 seem pretty fucking small in comparison huh?

Just had to get that off my chest hate things being taken from me.

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

Greener Pastures

So nice to be in my new apt with all of my things back in my hands again not sitting in my old apartment. My poor couch came to me with some interesting spots but those were able to be wiped away. Beyond that I got everything except a rug which got lost in the move and a lamp that was broken. Oh well. Oh and new roomates chair looks great with my furniture and she has an incredible art collection. woo hoo.

Tuesday, January 27, 2004

Jeez, What Did I Do to You?

Since my blog has been a bit boring lately. I would like to thank "Me" for spicing it up and attacking me. Whoever this person is, they do not know Sammy well enough to call Sammy by her real name. Also this person is a total and utter bore and a coward for posting not once but twice. Anyways enough about that LOSER. Life is going well. I have my move date all set up and ready to go. My stuff will officially leave NY next week. So, anyways not too much else going on with me training is tiring and I definitely could use some R&R!

One last note: if the me is who I think it is, then you should understand that if I was harsh dealing with you it was business not personal. One needs to distinuish the two relationships.

Saturday, January 24, 2004

Back again, briefly.

Back in NYC for like 48 hours actually a bit less. So far I have been to my apt a few times picked up and dropped off stuff. Agreed to sublet my place to someone who thought she was doing me a favor. Actually she is doing my roommate a favor I was about to allow anyone to sublet the room not jsut white, jewish females between the ages of 20 and 27. So whatever. It was fun while it lasted but I am moving on to a better job and a better apartment. I have also hit Banana Republic hardcore, bloomies, and tomorrow I plan to do a bit more shopping.

Saturday, January 03, 2004

Leaving my Love

Tomorrow I leave my two loves, K and NYC. I am not happy about either. My job is taking me away but K still lives here so we are now going to have a country home (my place in CT) and his place downtown. Yeah it sucks but in my own personal life checklist I can now put a big checkmark next to live in NYC. I am glad I did it I loved being here but I will be back.

Sunday, December 14, 2003

Afraid of the Possibility of Goodbye

In my quest for career success, I know I may have to hurt a dear dear friend, NYC. Although NYC is a fairweathered friend and can be cruel at times, one cannot help but love them for who they are. So, I may have to move away from my dream. It saddens me. I know NYC will be where I left them, but still it is not the same. I am hopping I will not have to say this sad goodbye, but my fate rest in someone elses hands.

Monday, November 17, 2003

I Did it!

I got the job. I am so way way way excited. Anyways life will change drastically come January when I start. So okay leave feedback muah


Sammy B

Thursday, November 13, 2003

Mock Letter Time

Dear Hiring Manager:
Thank you so much for meeting with me and coorinating all of the activities and events last Friday. I am very interested in this program and given my background and skills feel I would be an excellent addition to this business. You seem to have misplaced my phone number. Let me give it to you 555.555.5555. or maybe you cannot find my email. It is email@email.com.
You told me that you would let us know EARLY this week. It is now Thursday. Technically I could probably sue you for promissory estoppel. I was relying on your promise to call me this week so that I do not go criminally insane! Apparently you have overlooked this. Well, I can respect that.
Do you need a rope? Apparently you must have fallen into a ditch because I have yet to hear from you. If I did not get the job just call my phone and say, "Hi this is so and so from x the answer is no. Please no letter stating how you enjoyed meeting me and that I have some wonderful skills and the best of luck to me in the future. Just tell me like it is.

Dear Sammy,
You are a dumbass we do not want you to reck our company (we have CEOs to do that). Do not let the door hit you on your way out.

Thanks but no thanks,
Hiring Manager

Fuck goodwill just tell it to me straight and if I did get the job then tell me that too. I mean come on... How long does it take to make a decision.

Samantha Bickerstaff
semi insane

Wednesday, November 12, 2003

So Tired, Tired of Waiting for You...

The wait continues. Only contact was for my train reimbursement. That is it. No news is not good news. I mean it is out of my control but I think this is making me crazy. Totally and utterly f*cking insane. I mean seriously now what is the deal people a simple yes or no will do via email. Put me out my misery. How stupid am I going to look when I do not get this job. I know I did not get it. They know I know I did not get it. So whats the big deal just tell me I did not get it. Dude wheres my ding letter. OY Oy vey. I am seriously freaking out.

Not Bangin' Brooklyn freaking out but in the best way the Jewish WASP like Samantha B. can freak out. I need to shop that is what it comes down to I have not shopped in days, heck weeks. OH and my shoes are ripped I am dressing like such a slob. What is my deal? Oh now I have the Jerry Seinfeld thing going on... You know whats the deal with not hearing back about a job.... Whats the deal with clothes underneath them all we are all naked whats to cover up... That kind of Jerry Seinfeld schtint.

On another hand I am so totally psyched about going to www.lush.com store in SOHO this weekend. How fun will that be? Oh so much fun. Do you think since I am typing this ultra fast I am going on a sugar high? I do. I really do. I wonder if i-village has a quiz to see if you are certifiably insane. Oh wait maybe I do not need a quiz, maybe I just am and sigh.

Tuesday, November 11, 2003


I have since had my big big big interview and now I wait. As the Magnificent M said this is synonomous to waiting for a guy to call after a great date. Of course you have to wait. Waiting sucks. I have not even gone shopping at all. OH my! I did see Love Actualy, lots of anti-American sentiment in it if you are smart enough to see it. Not much else going on with me. I am becoming a g-m -aholic, which is a great thing. My ocd sisters are oh so proud. That is about it.

Friday, October 24, 2003

The Poor Little Piggy that Had None

On Monday, I went grocery shopping because we had no bread for sandwiches. Well I put on my flip flops and go to the store. On my way home I heard something and turned around but kept on walking and hence, stubbed my toe and broke a jar of pickles.

My toe (the forth one as in this little piggy had none, which refers to roast beef, it must have been a vegetarian) started to hurt as soon as I got into my apt so I iced it and put it up for the night. On Tuesday I wear flip flops to work because the toe was now swollen. I did bring loafers with me but figured since this was a medical issue they would not have a problem with it.

No one but one hag had a problem with it. She went straight to the IT director and he called me down and was like flip flops are not allowed in the office. I say, "yes I know but I can't wear shoes because of this..." and I proceed to show him my purplish pinkish toes. He says oh that would be a good reason did Hag know about this. No, she just ASSumed... So he goes up and talks to her she then states that I have to wear a medical shoe. Well fuck that. It is either a broken or jammed toe no need to see a doctor. So I wear flip flops under my desk and hobble around in loafer when needing to leave the comforts of my work area.

Oh and HAG had the audacity to ask me for computer help and would sit in her seat and make me stand there.

Oh I would like to repeal my denouncement of shopping. No more shopping for me. I will shop for K and for the roommate this weekend with the exception of a scarf to go with my new Anna Sui jacket.

Sunday, October 19, 2003

Shop til We Drop

Okay, so somehow I have become the unofficial shopping tour guide of NYC. Anytime anyone comes in we shop and shop and shop and shop oh and eat a bit too. I am sick of shopping I never want to shop again. Okay scared you now didn't I?

Friday, October 10, 2003

Miss Match

I Yenta. I admit it. I set up friends. I set up friends of friends. It is hard out there people. I have K. I want others to find their K. Just not mine get your own move along sista'. Is there anything wrong with this? One may argue yes. Setting up two friends then make it awkward if the friends do not like each other. Or worse one likes the other one but those feelings are not reciprocated.

Solution they will sit at separate and far a part tables at my fictious wedding that one day may or may not take place at this point in my life I am not caring too much. Worsed possible scenario with two friends is the like eachother they date then one screws around on the other person and you know it. Talk about tough issue. Good thing that has never happened. I am not good at Yenta-ing.

So, okay what else is going on in my life. Besides finally getting my Bloomies Credit Card and using it. Not too much else. My boots I got last winter hurt my feet they hurt them last winter but I was in denial and kept wearing them. One day in them this year and not going to cut it.

I have noticed no one comments anymore. It makes me feel very unloved. So to encourage comments I am going to put up a poll.

So, okay say Arnold does well as governor and they change the rules and say someone foreign born can be president would you vote for him? HOw funny would it be if he won and his 2nd term election slogan was I'll be back...

Friday, October 03, 2003

You Call Yourself a Friend?

I love how some people are only friends with you when they need something from you. I am addressing one person, who will probably never read this. She walked around last year like we were good friends we even spoke to one another and now she can't even IM me the hell back to say hi. I have called her several times but have yet to get a phone call. People like that even if they are busy can go fuck themselves.

Thank you and good night.

Thursday, October 02, 2003

The Nerve of Some Peope

Okay, so, some people may say I am a comformist. So fucking what? What is wrong with following the rules and order "society" has set out. Those non-conformist out there can go fuck themselves. By following society's rules you do what is right. You use the right side of the stairwell at all times. You stand at the side of the subway or metro doors and let people getting off get in before making your way inside. Once inside you move all of the way in and if you are already in the subway/metro car you move farther in to make room for incoming people. You do not stand there as some type of human road blocker. G-d did not give you a special badge saying you were exempt from acting like a human being.

Okay part two of a rant. So, you are still in college and you are invited to a big-time event in a big city. In this city you have a friend of the opposite sex. You ask to stay at their place and talk about maybe taking them to this big time event. Normal person thinks hey this is a fair trade, but no you stupid ass hole do not realize this. You then invite someone else and assume and remember the ass in ass is next to the U, that it is okay that they too crash at the apartment. NO. I do not think so. Get a fucking hotel room and grow up.

Rant 3. Something for us Fatties. Okay I am not fat. I do have hips for birthing. Sorry must be the Eastern European mix in me. So if you are going to put expensive jeans on sale do not just have the 0,2,4, sizes have stuff for us girls who are a size 6 or a size 8. I know we are "fatties" but still throw us a freakin' bone....

Otherwise my life is faboo. Maybe some good news in November do not want to jinx it. kissies to my peeps

Thursday, September 25, 2003

No Going Home Again

So, Okay, the party went well. Everyone had a faboo time in my opinion. Comments please... Oh and roomate and they guy I wanted to set her up with seemed to have maybe hit it off and are going on a date in a week. He called over a week in advance now that is planning. Anyways so yes I have admitted I am a shopoholic. I really am. Seriously I have a problem a big problem. I am not in debt so it is not a big problem.

Also, I am going home this weekend for Rosh Hashanah. I am not sure how I feel about going to synagogue. You see, I do not like organized religion because I do not like someone tellng me or leading me in prayer I can do fine myself. This is also why I do not do exercise classes I cannot stand having people tell me what to do. I mean if I want to pray I do. If something happens, or if I am waiting for the salesman to come back with the shoes I like. I pray they have them in my size (totally kidding on that one). So besides going home this weekend not too much else new. I do have other things but if I talk about them I will jinx it. Oy.

Oh actually something horrific happened. I am not sure when it happened but I noticed it this morning. THis is truelly awful, horrible thing. The lining of my prada bag is ripped. Thank goodness it is on the seam but still I feel like a piece of me is missing. My poor beautiful Prada bag. Oh baby I will get you fixed and feeling better...

Friday, September 19, 2003

No Tryin' to Reason...

With Hurrican season? So Isabel came and went. I have not posted in 17 day??? Well let me get you caught up. Everything I was looking forward to.... did NOT happen. No job, no Ambush Makeover, no party ... wait the party is this weekend. Yes it sort of sucks, but everything happens for a reason. I am also now working in the city instead of elsewhere which is pretty cool.

No other interesting stories to tell. Nothing really oh wait there is... Did you hear the one about the handcuffs? M and I decided Saturday was too gross to go shopping. We instead watched Sex and the City and Dead Like Me (my new favorite show) all day. Well M is curious and started asking about various things. One of them was a pair of handcuffs K had given me pretty much as a joke since there is no known key. I was telling this to M when clink. She puts one on her wrist. It is stuck. Several hours and dollars later, an Israeli locksmith is freeing her from this insane contraption sold at most joke and sex shops. Before he comes over, the locksmith asks, are you decent?

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

I think I have a Problem

Last night I realized I am addicted to shopping. True I could be addicted to much worse things, but shopping seems so shallow. I reallized this while walking around midtown trying to remember where the Club Monaco was in the pouring rain. Why was I going to Club Monaco? To pick up a shirt they had put on hold for me that the store I usually go to did not have in my size. I first chalked up that experience to being driven and focused, but then I got home. At home I opened up an envelope addressed to me. It was a lovely hand written note from the saleswoman who helps me at Arden B. She apologized for not being there the other night when I was in and then informed me about a current promotion they are running. I have a problem. With my apartment pretty much furnished my attention is not turned to find cute accessories and with the thought of an apartment warming party I am thinking serving pieces. I am going crazy. I want to stop but I can't I am going to spiral out of control. I do feel guilty but then I say I have money saved it is something special and other excuses.

Now some of you psych 101 takers may be thinking, why are you shopping in the first place? Are you trying to fill a void for something? No I just fucking like to shop. I am good at it. I am extremely good at it. I like things to look good. Excuse me for being so g-d damn superficial. At least I will never be arrested by the fashion police!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, August 27, 2003

Ambushed, Bamboozled, Bushwhacked

So, loyal readers I worked from home on Monday and happened to have the TV on when a show came on. Ambush Makeovers. Well something crossed my mind my roommate wants a makeover. I will sign her up. So I did. Well a few hours later, they call they are interested in having her on the show. No way. Right. Way. So yesterday I talked with the producer and he interviewed me, but I have yet to hear back from him whether they are going to do the show or not. THis is the exciting news.

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Why I will never be a Meterologist

Well shortly after posting the post below, the largest blackout in US history occured! Being in CT and not in NYC, we went and drank, then my boss drove me home. I got home walked up the steps using my cellular phone as light, met my neighbors, got a migrane, threw up, woke up for work, could not go to work, slept and read all day, showered by candlelight, got power back (5:30 pm), was rescued by K.

So finally had dinner last night with M. It was great we went to republic and then got Tasty Di Lite. Weekend news: Got a jacket to replace the ruined one. Now must go back to Bloomies (damn). I keep hearing about different jobs go me. I do not feel like writiing anymore

Thursday, August 14, 2003

A catchy title usually goes here but it is too hot

I have nothing to report. My life has been blah blah blah. I am having dinner with the Magnificent M tonight! I have discovered a love for the brand Milly found at bloomies. I am interviewing for a new job but I doubt I will get it because I really really want it. It would be like a 25 minute commute as opposed to my current 1 hour 15 minute++++ commute. When M and I were 9 or 10 we started a business making bracelets and called it S&M beads. We did not know S&M was something dirty. So tonight M and I are sort of having a business dinner. It just sounds more put together.

Big news totally forgot! My couch came in. It is gorgeous. So smooth and soft. The roomie loves it too.

Monday, August 11, 2003

The Gimmes and I wants

If I had money, which I do not I would want the following:
  • Juicy Terry/Velour pants
  • Citizen of Humanity jeans and/or New Seven Jeans
  • Pillow, coffee table, and chair for living room
  • beige/camel/tan pointy toe flats
  • tweed skirt
  • more stuff from banana republic
  • a laptop computer
  • Cashmere throw from Banana
  • Cashmere sweaters

  • Monday, August 04, 2003

    When the Shit Hits the Pavement

    Okay, so, I was looking all cute friday wearing my new Club Monaco skirt, my black bcbg sleeveless turtleneck and a denim jacket when I realized oops I forgot to bring my cell phone. So being close to the subway I figured I would pick it up on my way home. Well, it rained, it poured on friday, but luckily after my long day of working the skies had started to clear a bit. Well I am merrily walking down the street looking around when i slip and fall. What do I slip and fall on? DOG SHIT Not only does it get on my shoes, it gets on my cute new Club Monaco skirt and I skinned my knee in my effort not to break my ankle.

    I rush home, change rinse the skirt off and drop it off at my neighborhood cleaners, before heading out to long island.

    Fast forward today, I get ready to leave my apartment notice that it is pouring cats and dog shit today. Grab my umbrella and my new French Connection pleated jacket (in khaki) and head out. I get soaked despite having an umbrella, well I get on the shuttle to work take a look at my jacket and there are spots on it. Bleach spots from the acid rain. I am returning it no doubt.

    So today instead of being Samantha, or Charlotte, I feel like Carrie, but at least no one has broken up with me via post it notes!

    Friday, August 01, 2003

    Thank Goda for Prada

    Okay, so, I am sitting on the train and a woman sits next to me who has the same Prada bag I just got but with yellow leather (I have white). Anyways, so I turn to her and ask, "Excuse me I have the same bag, do you know how they are supposed to be cleaned?"

    She says, "oh everyone ask me that I think they are steamed by dry cleaners."

    Anyways, so we shoot the shit for awhile. Then she goes and starts talking to her companions. I overhear them talking about the entertainment industry so my ears perk up.

    Well we are about to pull into Grand Central and I say, "Excuse me this is a bit ballsy, but I have a friend who wants to work in the entertainment industry and I could not help but overhear your conversation. Would any of your companies be interested in an unpaid intern." She says yes, so I then tell her a bit about K and she gives me her card and says for him to call or email her.

    It just goes to show speaking up is good what is the worst that can happen?

    Tuesday, July 29, 2003

    Lifes a Bitch or Beach or Bitch

    Sorry Oops-ers for not posting in over ten days, but life has been crazy. Last week, Sammy was the good daughter and worked extra long hours in order to take Friday off to travel to DC and drive down to the Delaware shore to surprise her mother for her mother's birthday. Needless to say, Sammy's mommy was very happy she was there. K joined me at the bitch (as the beach is so lovingly referred to by Bickerstaff family). The two of us had a great time, however sometimes my sisters can be obnoxious. I mean really they can be.

    Other things going on with me, well my company is "restructuring" which means I should have a job but other people around me won't which is never good for an office envirornment and I am all about the environment in which I work. I need something positive and when people are freaked about getting laid off then they are never too happy. Therefore it is back to the job boards for me. Other interesting tidbits going on with me...

    Well in the more exciting news....my roommate has asked me to help make her over. This is like a Clueless dream come true. I am taking a What Not to Wear (BBC version) approach and not only telling and showing her what to wear but teaching her what to look for when she shops. We still need to work on makeup and hair and do a bit more with clothes and shoes, but it is a lot of fun and lets me apply all the skills I have learned from my years of being a shopaholic and avid reader of Lucky Magazine . I took her shopping but I am afraid I may have bought more than she did. I got the cutest French Connection khaki jacket, a top that Mommy Bickerstaff wanted -->Bloomingdales, and at Club Monaco my ab fav store, I got a cute skirt, a white tee to replace the one i spilled a raspberry slurpy on, and a gray sweatshirt that is so Flashdance it makes me want to dance to Maniac!
    There are some really cute shoes I am thinking of getting from urban, but we will see if I will pursue them. I just discovered that despite all of my hard work, consumer confidence did fall.

    Oh and to make shopping all the better Mommy Bickerstaff said tell me how much you spend and I will send you a check. I think the Bickerstaff parents are realizing that being empty nesters means mega savings and it is okay to Schtup your offspring every once in a while with a little cash.

    Besides all of this there is not too much else going on with me. I am happy and I hope you all are too. Oh and Eric --- where have you been?

    Thursday, July 17, 2003

    My horoscope from yesterday:
    Your Horoscope for July 16, 2003

    Even your best-laid plans will go off the rails today, and now that you know that you can guard against allowing yourself to get angry or frustrated. Take everything as it comes and take everyone you meet at face value, and if things go wrong, and they will, don't let it get to you. What will be will be. Think of it as a test of your self-control.

    So the day started out badly. First if you are feeling great about what you are wearing you are not going to feel great all day. I hate all of my old khakis so wearing them just spoiled the day right then and there. Secondly while setting up a computer a ran into another 2002 Undergrad business major from Big Midwestern University. This is not someone I liked. I found him to be a brown noser, a cockey bastard, and someone who is only out for personal gain. So of course he must love the fact that I am setting up computers while he is coding away at something in the "leadership program". Seeing him definitely was a blow to me.

    Then on an emergency call I accidentally erased some important files for a client and now is secretary and he are both mad at me and as quoted his "faith in me has diminished". Thanks apparently trying your best is not good enough. Need I remind him it was the lack of care in such high ranking individuals such as him that the economy is in the toilet hello ENRON oh nice to see you MCI.

    The last awful thing that happened was after grabbing some lunch at the cafeteria, I was about to bring it back to my office when I look out the window. It was not drizzling, no not raining, it was pouring. Me being hungry take the lunch and run back to my office soaking wet.

    Monday, July 07, 2003

    Schvitzing to Death

    Since I have already used Its gittin hot in hur... I am schvitzing to death. Yes, last night the circuit my ac is on blew. Apparently it cannot take my roommate blow drying her hair at the same time as it running. The blow dryer won. I schvitzed til I got myself out of bed at 12:30 to fix the circuit breaker. Needless to say I am tired. I get up at 6 am people. Now my roommate reads this so no fault of hers at all, but as she well knows I think we need to do something about the heat problem in our apt. THere is too much of it. I do not want to be in the kitchen because I start to schvitz. Who wants cook when they schvitz? We definitely need to bite the bullet and get some air circulating. So we can breathe. Even the bathroom is hot. Who wants to take a shower when they get out of it they start to schvitz again. OY! Oh and work today was hot as well. I must smell. Now I am a poet and did not even know it!

    On another note, I do have health insurance lets hear it for COBRA!!!!

    Thursday, July 03, 2003

    Being A Fucking Statistic

    Well I just got some rather disturbing news. My health insurance plan does not kick in til September. I was under the impression it was only a month, but no it is 400 hours! So, you may ask what is wrong with this well I am now a member of the uninsured middle class. I am afraid to even go swimming because I am prone to ear infections. What happens if I get an ear infection I will have to go to the doctors in which I will have to pay at least $100 for the office visit and then pay another $40 for the medicine at least and these are the conservative figures. I really feel as though I was dupped into this job because I asked about health insurance and they said yes you will be covered. Then I get the formal information (which I am going to take a second look at and see what it says because if it is misleading I will have my legal counsel look into it) and it said you get coverage a month after you start. So I figured, okay so I will have coverage starting August 1st. You may be like one month, Sammy what is the big deal but I am now a statistic. I mean the stigma is not as bad as being a teen mother but the soap opera, Passions actually did a mini story line about being uninsured.

    Tuesday, July 01, 2003

    Technically Brunnette

    In an homage to legally blonde, the movie and to the parallels I am continuously drawing from the Elle Woods character to my situation. I present Technically Brunnette, the story of a young twenty-something female who is in a predominately male field of work and her struggle to gain respect in that field while maintaining her feminity.

    Okay, Chivalry is Fucking dead. I am a medium frame young woman. I can not lift items over 30 pounds. One would hope I could but yet lets get real people. So why, why would my coworker just stand there and watch me move a computer monitor without offering to help. A. He is an asshole B. He is a dumb guy C. Chivarly is dead. D. He was like she is my level let her do the work. Not only that, but the same male coworker also watched as I carried a computer to his car as he strolled out of the building empty handed. When we reached our destination, he then goes do you need any help. No, I think I can manage you fucking douche bag! Before that he also failed to assist me in moving computers, when he left the room I actually stamped my foot I was so angry for someone to watch a person, who is obviously struggling to lift something. Hi here is a quarter go by some manners.

    Fashion is another cause of concern. I like to wear skirts. NYC is hot as balls and a skirt is the best venitalion on a hot day. Yes, I can still crawl around on the floor plugging in computers while wearing a skirt. Just do not stand there and look at my hot perky ass while I do so. Also, pink is my favorite color and I will wear it when I feel like it. Oh and if I can do it in heels then it must not be that hard. Another thing, this is not the job to have a manicure nails for. So I won't just saved myself $20+ a month.

    So now for a Cindy Adams, only in New York moment..... While riding the 6 train today, 2 hispanic men with guitars and cowboy hats on enter the train and start to play latino love songs then proceed to ask for money. Only in New York Kids, Only in New York.

    Stay tuned for more adventures of technically brunnette.

    Monday, June 30, 2003

    Good blog to come soon I erased it. I am such an idiot. Teaches me to type without contact lenses in. Things are going very well though :)

    Friday, June 20, 2003

    Same Shit Different Day, Same Shit Different Year

    Thank you to all my peeps who came to my birthday celebration. It meant so much to me that so many people came out on a wednesday to celebrate my first 23rd birthday. First? Why, yes I plan to be 23 for several more years and since most people think I am about 16 I can pull this off for at least 5 more years! High today: My mom came into town and loves bloomies as much as I do (ahhhhhhhhhhhh). Low today: Lost my monthly subway card (doh I am so stupid, yes would you like to be cash or charge you flush down the toilet). Well I learned my lesson be careful with metro card. Message sent and received.

    Oh you think I am funny... I keep forgetting to write this but here is Sammy's Dads take on driving in NYC, "It is like one big real life game of frogger in which you and your car are the frog trying to get to your destination." Boy is that profound. Not too much else new with me. JL, you do not read this but I am sorry about your grandmother passing away. Guess what kiddies we are about to face some really sad years with losing the ones we love if we have not already...

    Tuesday, June 17, 2003

    And the Beat Goes On

    Work is getting better I am learning a lot and am really busy which is a total plus. My birthday is tomorrow. I am excited a bunch of my friends are going out. Also I am trying to set up the Magnificent M with K's Excellent E. Maybe it will be a match. Though my skills are not too good. Other things going on. Got a new cell but same number hopefully this will be better service. My mom is coming this weekend and I am so so very very excited. I miss everyone from DC a lot but NY is definitely starting to feel like home. Props to me for putting together my hamper and for being mega productive the past few days. Not much else still need to buy a couch... Leave some love for g-d sakes the 18th is my birthday.

    Thursday, June 12, 2003

    Untitled Title

    Past few days have been a rollarcoaster. So I will now play high and low with you.


    Great water pressure in my shower

    K's cooking dinner

    Fixing a monitor at work

    Getting my cable modem to work

    Getting sweet potato sushi


    K's grandfather passing away

    Two friends breaking up

    Not solving anyones issuses at work

    My computer having issues

    Cable Modem having issues

    Not having a proper desk chair in my apt yet

    Not being able to go to K's grandfather's funeral

    Missing spending father's day with my dad

    Tuesday, June 10, 2003

    The First Day of Work at Company Y

    Today I started working at company Y. It was pretty good. The people there are really nice and personable (a definite plus). The commute is really not bad and it should be interesting. I do not have access to IM so for all my buddies you are SOL. I did get a cool Nextel phone. I am however the lone female on the team but I do not see that as a hinderance. Besides that it should be okay. I am not sure if I am going to like the work or not yet but I am trying to take it one day at a time.

    Friday, June 06, 2003

    Now What?

    So, I have moved into my apartment in NY. Have 70% of the furniture I need (sans bed and sofa/living room stuff). About to go to a great wedding this weekend in pittsburgh. This should be a lot of fun. Okay wierd thing my left index finger hurts isn't that wierd? I also start my new job on Tuesday. I will have to keep you posted on all of this. Leave some love.

    Friday, May 30, 2003

    Some place to put my ass

    Furniture shopping what can I say it means purchasing something you are going to use longer than a season. I think of clothes in terms of season, ie fall 2003, spring, winter, summer like the designers. Then if i see something that was a trend from years past (lets take prarie skirts) I can be like oh that is so summer 2002. Furniture is different you buy and you use it for years you reaccessorize it you clean it and you can have it for years. If you are Jewish or Italian from the depression era you may cover it with plastic so it lasts longer (yes that is sterotypical but find me a WASP with plastic on their sofas).

    The question is leather or fabric? It is such a huge investment. I mean before this boots were an investment. The Kate Spade ohh so cute sandals were an investment but this, this is a BIG thing. Just part of growing up.

    Tuesday, May 27, 2003


    Today was first day of being "between jobs". It was not too bad. I sat on my ass and read a Nelson DeMille book about the Vietnam War, which I never learned a lot about because it was always covered at the end of the year and was sort of brushed by. Except for Mr. Griel's history class junior year. I think there we watched the movie Platoon. I degress...

    So, signed my lease with my roommate over the weekend. I sort of gave away to the idea of having a tastefully decorated place and let my roommate find whatever free stuff she can get her hands on. No point in spending money. I really wanted to have something more put-together and not a piecemeal, but what can you do. She is a recent grad and like so many recent grads before is short on cash. I also saw K's place and it is looking so good so whatever I buy needs to go with what he has so that we can coordinate when he finally proposes (in the year 2015). I would like to have a few nice things in my place but we shall see... This weeks agenda packing, shopping, and throwing away the past 23 years of my life...

    Thursday, May 22, 2003

    Last Day

    So, today was my last day working for X. Thank goodness it is over. Though, I was sort of sad to go, but in the same way you are sad to leave summer camp. You had an okay time at times it was great but you know where you are going is where you are meant to be.Now I have to work on decorating the apartment and getting it fixed up. I am so excited to do that. Oh my goodness let me tell you. Oh and swell sheets from Target (tar-jey) are so soft they are like a stick of butter, a big sticka butta!

    Wednesday, May 21, 2003

    Getting a Piece of the Big Apple

    Lessons Learned from Apartment Shopping

    1. There is a reason it is priced so low.

    2. Set your priorities

    3. Know what you want but learn to compromise.

    4. Patience is a virtue (I do not have)

    5. Light is important but so are closets

    6. Location, Location, Location

    7. If the neighborhood is kind of sketchy at 2pm on a Sunday what will it be like at 2am on a Sunday?

    8. If all of your neighbors go out drinking a lot you are bound to be riding the elevator with puke

    9. The right one just feels right.

    Monday, May 19, 2003

    Looking for a Needle in a Haystack

    This past weekend I went apartment searching in NYC. First off they are so ass-backwards, because they do not use lockboxes. The agents have to run around getting keys. My agent is incredible if you are in NY and need one or are moving to the city let me know I will get you his name. So after two days of searching, my mom and I but mostly I concluded that this one we saw was our best bet. It is on the upper east side, which is so pretty and there are lots of bars and other things around. It should be cool, but boy does my ass hurt from all that walking.

    Wednesday, May 14, 2003

    Come Together

    Things are really starting to come together. Thanks to "my bible" I have found a roommate who, although I have yet to meet her seems very very cool. I am starting to look for places to live and work is winding down for me.

    Anyways, not much else going on with me. The subject being addressed is anal-retentiveness. This is addressing people like those who work in a particular office at X. These people correct the grammer and spelling of a sign posted on the door to a restroom stahl. Why does a sign indicating what not to flush down the toilet need to contain correct grammer. Is the person who is sitting there such a control freak that they feel it is their own personal duty to correct this? I mean hello someone needs to get laid.

    This brings me to a coworker, who for some reason feels he must have access to a draft of a policy document so that he can comment on it. He has tried to circumvent all people in order to get this document. Now, first let me tell you this guy looks like he is pregnant (its a boy he is carrying in front) so I am thinking that government policy is his life, but then he also is that guy in class who whenever someone presented would ask questions to find wholes in your research or in whatever you presented. No one likes that guy. That guy is an asshole.

    Monday, May 12, 2003

    About Me for Potential Roommates

    So, a few potential roommates may look at this site (so your regs leave kind comments).

    About me: almost 23 Female, nonsmoker, drug free

    fav drink: appletini

    fav food: chocolate (anything with it but coffee)

    fav movie: Office Space/Clueless

    fav store: Club Monaco

    fav activity: shopping, haning out with friends, sitting at the beach reading a good book (i.e. anything that sparks my interest from Jane Austen to James Patterson)

    fav animal: dogs (just not their piddles)

    fav tv show: friends, what not to wear (bbc version), Will and Grace

    I am neat in common areas but can sometimes be messy in my OWN room, but i am impeccibly clean in common areas, bathroom and anything anyone else has to see (I close my room's door).

    Friday, May 09, 2003

    Two Weeks Notice, It's More than Just a Romantic Comedy

    Gave my two weeks notice yesterday. May 22 will be my last day at X. Woohoo. So now I have to find an apartment or roommate (I am still deciding). So now I am working at work ermm. I mean slacking off... erm working... Not much else is new. Just lots of details now.

    Wednesday, May 07, 2003

    My First One

    Today I got my first cavity. Never had one before and even this one is a baby one. Now I just need to get stung by a bee (never happened always stood still when one was around.

    So, still no offer letter. Calling them because I need one. Want to resign. Other than that just packing. I have a lot of crap saved from over the years. When do you know it is ok to throw things away? I have a lot of issues with throwing away birthday gifts. I also seem to have a lot of bar and bat mitzvah shit. I think my rationale is if my name is on it then I must keep it. I did find a porcelein shoe with my name on it (given to me by Magnificent M), a necklace I got at the age of 4 or 5 with pencils on it but I think the orange one came off (the are little ones), and a lot of brochures and maps from my trip to London at age 14. So question when do you throw it out. Also what about stuffed animals and dolls? Do you save them in hopes of giving them to your children? If the only value of an ojbect is purely the memory of the event that is intertwined with it, do you let the item go if you remember the event, or do you keep the item as useless as it is as a trigger for the memory of that event? However, if you need something to trigger that memory is it worth remembering at all? I have to get rid of a lot of stuff since, besides me moving my parents are too. So do I keep my collection of cassette tape even though I do not listen to them anymore? How much of your childhood are you allowed to bring with you into adulthood?

    I think most of my readers are gone. This is not interesting My life is so mega boring. Still looking for a place in NY. Not much else going on.

    Maybe when I move I will reveal who I really am. So, if you have any advice let me know (sorry for the carrie-esque entry).

    Monday, May 05, 2003

    It Hurts if I Swallow

    SO, my throat is killing me yet I am still at work. Here is the latest in my favorite websites: I-Resign. Bought housewares for my non-existant NYC apartment. Would you like to see how I furnish it? Ok, then here are links to all of my furniture if money was no object.

    Bedroom: Silhoutte Bedroom with my bedding Swell from Target.

    Living Room: Look at Florence Leather or Architect definitely get a sleeper so everyone can visit me in black leather, for the drama queen in me look at Delano would want that in a color or in black. My tables are Very cheap for a set of 3! For storage Flex Wall in cherry finish.

    Dining Room: Ebony Set with black cushions

    Friday, May 02, 2003

    It's Gittin' Hot in Hur

    In a meeting for the job I hate. 8 people in a meeting room with little to no A/C, 7 laptops running. This is hell. Blowing chunks over the "scolder"... Priceless.

    Came to conclusion prob not going pot luck on roommate will either live with myself (and other personalities that reside in me) or with a friend.

    Leave some love.

    Thursday, May 01, 2003

    Keep Reading this Gets Good

    Well, I am boring. Really I totally am. Okay want to know what pisses the crap out of me? Not really? Oh well. It really pisses me off when you are exiting the Beltway and you are in the exit lane and the jackasses who think they rule the world get in the left lane and continue to move til they can cut in on someone. Meanwhile, the good people of the world are patiently waiting to exit. I do not let these douche bags cut in front of me. They should have to wait just like the rest of us fools.

    Still no offer. Do need opinions. Should I do the following once, if I ever move.

  • A. Live by myself close to transportation
  • B.Live with a roommate by transportation but the roommate is a stranger or unknown
  • C.Live with a person I know preferably a friend

    Ok vote!

  • Wednesday, April 30, 2003

    No Idea What to Write

    Okay no offer letter yet. I need that to do the following:
  • Write resignation letter
  • Get apt/roomate
  • Feel good about packing
  • Do a happy dance (thanks Eric)

    In the meantime I am:

  • Packing
  • Opening up a bank account at Shitibank = Citibank
  • Picking out furniture in my head

  • Tuesday, April 29, 2003

    Fodder for the Blogger

    So, I am going to take the job. I am way super excited. Oh, here is a blog-worthy story. So my friend Bex and I went to the outlet mall on Saturday. As we were walkling inside a car pulls up beside us and goes, "excuse me is this the outlet mall?".

    I know there are no such things as stupid questions but if there was, this would be it. Now, I am looking for roomates. So, I may send them to look here.Maybe not... If anyone knows of anyone looking for people to live with in NY let me know. Not much else new. Leave some love.

    D'OH of the Day

    Last night my shoulder was killing me, so i put some icy hot on it. That stuff smells. Well, I accidentally got some on my necklace so all day I have been smelling icy hot. That is today's D'OH of the day!

    Friday, April 25, 2003

    The Straw that Broke the Camel's Back

    Yesterday, my boss scolded me with his finger. Like I was five years old. That was it. That was the moment I knew its time to punch out Maverick. This situation reminded of me of my junior year in college, when I was decided whether or not I was going to deactivate from my sorority. What transpired was I ended up with a very bad ear infection the night before rush. During rush the next day, I went to the doctors and spent the rest of the day resting since I was sick. Following rush that day, the rush chair came up to me and said, "since you were useless to the house today you need to vaccum the formal areas of the house." Excuse me? Time to punch out.

    Oh, and then the boss drops on me that the client wants a meeting Friday at 1pm well that conflicts with my therapy in which I bitch about my job so why would I rearrange my schedule for a job I hate? I didn't.

    So, that is my life. I am quite happy. I am probably going to take this job and boy am I excited.

    Wednesday, April 23, 2003

    Dreams Can Come True

    I am being offered a job in Stamford, CT not exactly NY but close enough...

    Tuesday, April 22, 2003

    As I Rode the Train

    This entry is being written as I am traveling. Okay I completely lied called in sick with followup medical test when in actuality I had not one, but two interviews in the New York Tri-State Area! So, as I write this I am using company X’s laptop on an un-apporved secret trip. I sat in the quiet car not knowing it was the quiet car, so I talk on my cell phone, other people are talking to eachother what is the difference? So two men yell at me about this. Neither have much hair. So the question today is are white men who are in their mid 30’s early 40’s who are balding, anal-retentitive?

    All signs lead to yes. My theory my dear readers is this, they are bitter. Even when I lied and said it was a family emergency they both still got all anal-retentive (note the hyphen). I had to actually hang up on my mother.

    person with music in headphones playing kinda loud>white bald man who is slightly overweight who yelled at meAisleOther white balding manPerson sitting next to him who I feel sorry for
    menice guy next to meAisleA guy and his bag taking up TWO seats!

    So this weekend was pretty good. Had a great time with K. My favorite stores were closed for easter like the day Jesus rose up from the dead (yeah uh huh sorry to my Chritian readers but still do not understand the whole Jesus thing that is one thing I can never fathom, but that is a whole other blog posting) is not a great reason to have a sale? The lack of better shopping pushed me to go to a place I have wanted to go for years, the Guggenheim Museum. Of course I have to go when there is the most fucked up exhibit the Cremaster. So weird, but glad K was not with me he would have been what is this shit and forced me to leave. The permanent collection was pretty good, but I definitely still love the Hirshorn Museum more! (See there is more to me then just shopping!!!) Then I got a mani and a pedi at the place the Maginificent M took me too.

    Sunday evening was uneventful except got decent sushi (rice is allowed because some Jews do eat it for passover and I am pretty much just avoiding bread and bready like products like being on Atkins but with fruit!) I also had a horrific migrane but it eventually subsided.

    My interviews were both really really different. I am not sure what I want to do anymore. Why do we have to work at all? I think I am scared of what I would be good at doing. The first job would be in Stamford CT the commute was really not too bad in the morning and I could get reading done, or writing or friendship bracelet making or I could go back to making lanyards (seriously guys kidding)! It is a great company and I would have the opportunity to move around a grow (they bring good things to life…) The second interview, which I like (which also means I won’t get) was with a marketing company. They do the annoying commercials that are longer than 1 minute for some product such as www.freecreditreport.com. Although I am very cute and totally smart, I do lack marketing experience so who knows hopefully I will get both and then I will have a choice.

    As I write this one of the anal-retentive men is not only wearing a coat, but a scarf hello it is April it may be a chilling 50 degrees out what a total freak a zoid. Sorry to alientate any balding readers I do care deeply for you just do not become bitter mean people! My distates also goes to my fat, balding coworker who insulted my very cute very comfortable VIA SPIGA boots. I mean he is so fat he looks preggers. Oh and second anal-retentive man yelled at some teenage girls for --- giggling and acting like duh duh duh… teenage girls. As he exited I really wanted to wish him luck on his surgery… but I didn’t. For those not in the know surgery to have the stick removed from his ass! Okay back to transcribing my manager’s notes, because I am a consultant not an admin ass (emphasis on ass) and these are the duties of a consultant (yeah right who am I kidding). Don’t make me beg leave so

    Friday, April 18, 2003

    Fridays, Sigh...

    So today was pretty boring. So here is my thing with Passover. You are not supposed to eat anything that can be made into a bread... this includes corn. Okay corn is a vegetable it is not a grain. It just gets bonus points because it has multipurposes but first and foremost it is a vegetable. So, I ignore the whole corn, corn syrup rule. Secondly corn was brought to the the "old world" by Christopher Columbus in 1492. Now, if my Fairfax County Public School education serves me right, Moses and the Israelites passed through the desert (w/o stopping for directions) WAY WAY WAY before that. Therefore my scholarly friends it is historically impossible that they could have ever made bread from corn. Thirdly the Orthodox Jews dictate this to us. Now nothing against them but they have sex through a sheet. I mean do we really want to listen to someone who does that? I sure don't!

    On a happy note my friend got me on this whole wedding kick because she always discusses it with me. Even though I am in no way ready to settle down (K stop freaking out) but I did find a wedding site. Let me know what you think.
    Breaking News
    To my loyal readers: leave comments I will write back to you. Do not turn me into a comments whore where I IM you looking for the stuff!

    Thursday, April 17, 2003

    Day Old Fecal Matter After Hitting the Proverbial Rotating Spinning Blade Really Does Smell

    So yesterday, I took the day off for Passover. It is a religious holiday. Well, I made the mistake of checking me email in the morning and when I did I saw that some shit had hit the fan at work, but since I had already put in my hours it would be unethical for me to do anything about it. However it is not unethical to take off under the auspices of a religious holiday and really go run errands like getting your dad's birthday gift and your eyebrows waxed. So, I had a lovely day and my Chocolate Torte went over quite well.

    Fast forward to this morning. I now am dealing with all of the shit that has now occured. It sucks makes me hate my job even more. Oh and I called HR on MONDAY to discuss issues ie not having a six month assessment being given the duties of an admin ass., and they have YET to call me back after countless messages. Company X completely sucks never work for them. More to come as it progresses. When there is breaking news I will break in.

    Breaking News

    Somewhere in Northern Virginia there is a gynocologist named..... HARRY BEAVER!!!!!!! Yes a gynocologist named Harry Beaver. Go Figure.

    Wednesday, April 16, 2003

    Four Years

    Today is my 4 year anniversary with K. We have been together as long as a presidential term. Wow. Anyways being in a relationship this long with a person can make you wonder if you know yourself or you just know yourself as part of this couple. We have both been thinking about that a lot lately. I think the fact that we live apart (238 miles) helps us to establish who we really are alone. The question is do we ever really know who we are?

    I do not think we do. We are forever changing and adjusting to new things and new circumstances we change with them and therefore we may know what we want and we know how we see ourselves but the way other people see us is forever changing. People say college is a time to find yourself. Is it really? Aren't we always finding ourselves? We find ourselves in new circumstances and situations and we adjust to them as best as we can.

    Okay enough babbling Happy anniversary K! I love you. I love the person you are, the person you were and the person you are going to change into (I hope) and I love the person I am when I am with you. So everyone smile today and kiss the ones you love :)

    Happy Pesach as well cheers to the Atkins diet!

    Tuesday, April 15, 2003

    Bedside Manner

    I have never been a fan of doctors, but my health insurance requires I see a Primary Care Physician who then refers me to specialist. After months of not seeing one, I made an appointment for a physical. This doctor was such a bitch. I cannot say her name (my law school boyfriend advised me not to) but her initials are M.S and she went to UVA med school and she practices in Fairfax, Virginia right near George Mason University. She had horrible bedside manner so to speak. Anytime I told her about a previously diagnoed ailment, she discounted it. Apparently you cannot deviate your septum. You are born with a deviated septum or you break your nose, but an ear, nose and throat specialist said I deviated my septum.... hmmmm.... Also according to Dr. M, Vioxx does not cause stomach bleeding but this says otherwise. Anyways, this woman was a total bitch and not a very good doctor. I wish I could go back to my pediatrician.

    Married by America concluded last night. I am glad no one got married you need to know a person longer than 4 weeks to know if they are right for you.

    The opions expressed above are of those soley of the person who is NOT Samantha Bickerstaff they are only opinions meant to be shared by Samantha to her friends and other readers. They are in no ways meant to slander any names mentioned above. They are strictly opinion. The person who is not Samantha Bickerstaff is in no way responsible for the opinions expressed by those who comment. (can you tell I date a law school student? K, did I miss anything?)

    On my way home today I saw a Papa John's Delivery sign on a Cadillac, makes you think...

    Sunday, April 13, 2003

    Fuck! I Fucked Up

    Also titled
    My Weekend

    This weekend was pretty good. Friday saw Old School with an old friend. Saturday had brunch with a friend then saw Erics very tastefully decorated apartment (if any of you females want to date a guy who can pick out good leather sofas and has taste let me know). Then Eric and I went to Georgetown, aka SoHo south. I like SoHo so much better maybe it is because SoHo has Mr. Softee icecream trucks which I like better than Ben & Jerry's, or maybe it is because I just like NY better than anything in DC. I did buy two tops from Club Monaco and did continue my quest for a pink, crew neck, cable knit cashmere or cotton long sleeve sweater. Yes, what a preppy look, but I love pink.

    So, where did I fuck up? Sounds perfect right? Wrong. I stuck my nose where it did not belong. The quagmire is if I tell you I will just be doing it again. So, for those parties involved. I am sorry. For those not invovled, read some of these Snaps found in an old book in my bedroom!

    You're sister is so white, she could go to her own wedding naked!

    You smell so bad you need to use Right and Left Guard.

    You're so skinny, Sally Struthers sends YOU food!

    Yes, someone published a book with these Snaps and more....

    Thursday, April 10, 2003

    The Daily Blahs

    My life is pretty boring as you can read below. I switched from the pill to the patch and gained weight, so in an effort to avoid excessive exercising I am keeping a log or rather BLOG of everything I eat. So if you think my mind is messed up wait til you see my eating habits! I am also doing at least 200 crunches a day! Hopefully this will work!

    So, I worked from home for part of the afternoon. This caused me to put on the soap I used to watch (Guiding Light). Well, I watched it throughout high school and junior high (1993-1998). Anyways the characters that were babies back in those days are now in their 20's! Is that wierd? I think it is!

    I also finally got K his birthday gift. He is now going to be the proud owner of Game Cube and Metroid Prime. My life may not be interesting as Hayley, but after this gift I will definitely get more sex than her!

    Wednesday, April 09, 2003

    Snapping, Crushes, and Life

    So, my supervisor snaps his fingers when he walks down the hallways at work. I sit in my office and I hear click click click. So, I know it is my freaky deaky manager. Now other people are doing it too. What is up with this? People you are being ENMs - excessive noise makers - stop it you freaks.

    So at bridezilla's wedding my crush from high school was there. How wierd is that? So, K was not there so I was like yes I have a boyfriend he is just not here. Meanwile Ex-Crush is prob thinking yeah right she still wants me. Well, I don't seeing someone after not seeing for sevreal years makes you realize their faults. He is dumb, boring, and blah.

    To top off my day, I got criticized on my note taking skills. Hello if i was hired to take notes I would have not gone to college. Take your own g-d damn notes. Seriously my other manager wants me to use a MS Excel Worksheet to categorize notes. My brain does not work that way. So either deal or change my brain. I HATE Company X.

    Also, the MTV show Sorority Life is so dumb and lame it is funny.

    Tuesday, April 08, 2003

    Bumpers, Footsies, and Life

    First off I do not understand bumperstickers. Yes, they are oh so clever, but I mean come on are you really going to sway a person's opinion on abortion, politics, a certain cool band, or g-d (g-m)? I mean really now. What do they accomplish? Besides vandalizing your own car? I see no point. I saw one the other day that said No Jesus. No Peace. Know Jesus. Know Peace. Okay well I know a guy named Jesus (he is hispanic) but yet I do not know peace.

    Listen people as Jimmy Buffett once said, Religion is in the hands of some crazy-ass people"

    Now to some more pressing business. I need comments people. I know you read my rantings, now I need your opinion. This is serious we are talking footware. Yes, I know I just bought a very tres expensive pair of shoes but these are cute too. What do you think of these?
    Let me know if I should get them or not.

    Finally, life. When job searching you start to ponder what you are worth. Am I only worth $35,000 is that what my yearly contribution to life on this planet means to some heartless company? Makes you think hmmm...

    Monday, April 07, 2003

    Gee Life Sucks or in Spanish, Mi Vida es Mierda (My Life is Shit)

    Today is such a bad day. I think I am cracking up. Really I think so. I am stuck in a job, yes I know I should be lucky I have such a great paying job blah blah blah, Fuck you for saying that, I cannot stand when people say that try walking in my shoes (which my coworker thinks is ugly. Well, he is fat, ugly, bald, single and from North Carolina (which one of those is worse?). Everyday it is something else. I have no interest in policy and the work I do. No one cares about what we do and those who do need a life. The work is so boring. I don't want to do it. I type up notes from meetings I attend where I do not have good notes because people are low talkers. I get dinged from jobs because companies suck and decide after I spend MY time and MONEY to interview with them that I do not have enough experience. I almost crashed my car 3 times driving to work today, yes 3 times. I am too tired to be here. I am going to be forever stuck here and if one person ask me to do one more g-d thing I am going to crack. THe work my boss gave me to do I did all wrong and you know what? I do not care because one more shitty comment and I will quit. I have nothing holding me back I have an entire person's entry level salary saved up, I have no debt no responsibilities. I do not even own a plant.

    Did I mention I have been crying uncontrollably for the past 3 hours?

    Okay, I finally stopped just for those who actually care. I still hate work still hate my job, but yet I won't quit. I like the pay.

    The Wedding

    Okay, so this past weekend I was Bridezilla's coordinator. Everything went well, but I cannot stand the bride's brother. He is a hippy, but I think he does it because he thinks it is cool. Anyways, we have never gotten along and this weekend was no exception. The wedding was not as tacky as originally feared. Silk flowers were not as bad. The food was okay, nothing terrific. DJ sucked. He played the chicken dance. Otherwise it went fairly well. Also the photographer was so old I thought he was going to die.

    Before I left to go to the hotel and rehearsal dinner, my mom took my shopping. Since I had a hunch I did not get the job in NY, she treated me to a new makeup bag and I bought the cutest Kate Spade shoes to go with my outfits. Yes, the shoes are expensive, but no NY trips are planned for this month.

    Friday, April 04, 2003

    Things We Wish We Could Say

    For me to move to NY, I know I am going to have to take a pay cut. There is no way I am going to make what I am making here. So, then last night my mother asked,"What would X have to offer you for you to stay?"

    First I was like double my salary, then I thought and then decided Eli Lily does not make enough prozac for me to ever be happy working in my current team, in my current location at X. Now if only I could say that to my boss.

    Here is a letter I wrote to a recruiter after not hear back from an interview:

    I really enjoyed meeting you and the others at the NJ office. So
    what is the g-m (See for the meaning of g-m) damn deal with this job did I get it or not. This is making
    me crazy. I really want this job as you can see and if I do not get it
    I will cry and eat a lot of chocolate then cry more because I am fat. So please do not let me get fat give me the job. It would make my boyfriend, my parents,
    all of my friends and family, and most importantly me very happy. I can
    bring a lot to this organization. So please please please give me an

    You may not realize this but not hearing from you has been torture.
    Complete torture. You would be crazy not to hire me. I am a great worker, I
    have a great sense of humor, and I am easy going on the eyes. So did I get
    the job?

    Please tell me soon. I am making everyone around me insane.


    Okay, well not much else new with me. Bridezilla's wedding is this weekend so wish me luck!

    Thursday, April 03, 2003

    The Thong and The Trap

    First, I met with Bridezilla last night and she has since calmed down somewhat.

    Secondly, I wore pants today that required a thong, which i normally do not wear because I like my ass to be supported. Anyways, I was uncomfortable for half the day and then I got used to it. I did feel like something, and there was something, was wedged up my ass. How do people wear these every day? Ugghhhh. Sorry, I like my buns to be supported.

    Third, I am trapped. I want to get out of this job but they keep giving me more work and responsibilities. Now, I am working on something that is due June 1st. I do not want to be there June 1st. I hate to screw them over, but as said in the Tony award winning musical, The Producers, "Hello, world I want on... (or something like that).

    Wednesday, April 02, 2003

    Bridezilla from Hell, errm I mean Northern Virginia--Wait what is the difference?

    So, me being the nice person that I am, volunteered to help my friend from high school, who has been referred to below as the bachelorette, but is forever now known as Bridezilla (anytime I use Bridezilla I am really using her name), with her wedding. I created a schedule for her big day and sent it to her along with several request for information, because how can you help coordinate something you know jack about! Here is the schedule:

    Here is a tentative schedule based on my sibiling's wedding

    Photos tend to take a lot longer than one would expect.

    Timeline for Bridezilla and Unsuspecting Groom's wedding

    9:45 Photos of Bridezilla and UG -together (if you do not want to have UG
    see you before the ceremony let me know to rearrange)

    10:15 (trust me!!) Brides family and bridesmaids (all participants
    dressed and ready by 9:45)

    11:15 Grooms family and groomsmen (all participants dressed and ready by

    12:30 Groomsmen to escort guests?

    12:40pm Ketubah signing

    12:45 Bridesmaids and Groomsmen (not involved in the ketubah signing)
    line up for Processional

    1:00 Ceremony begins

    1:30 Ceremony ends

    Photos of wedding party??1:45-2:45?? With chuppah

    2:00 Cocktail hour

    3:00 Reception
    intro of bride and groom and bridal party

    challah cutting


    dinner served

    garter/ bouquet toss

    end of reception?

    Then she wrote back:

    We don't want to/can't start pictures that early. We are not going to do formal pictures
    before the wedding. We are going to do all the formal pictures after the ceremony. I can't be
    up and ready that early. The hair guy is not evengetting to the hotel until 9:00.


    Then I wrote back so f*ing sweetly:

    I revamped the schedule for you. Please let me know of any other
    changes. What time are the photographer/videographer set to arrive?
    Would it be possible to do pictures of the attendants before the

    I added some extra time after the ceremony to allow for picture taking.
    It really does take a while and can be arduous. When you get a chance
    please give me a call. I really want to help you out, but it is hard
    when I do not know all the details and delegating this to me will take a
    lot of pressure off of you so you can focus on your big day.


    12:00 All attendants and family members in processional dressed and
    ready to go at ceremony site

    12:30 Groomsmen to escort guests

    12:40pm Ketubah signing

    12:45 Bridesmaids and Groomsmen (not involved in the ketubah signing)
    ine up for Processional

    1:00 Ceremony begins

    1:30 Ceremony ends


    Photos of wedding party??1:40-3:15?? With chuppah

    2:00 Cocktail hour

    3:00 Reception

    20 minutes of dancing

    3:20intro of bride and groom and bridal party

    challah cutting


    dinner served

    garter/ bouquet toss

    end of reception?

    Then Bridezilla wrote back and said:

    Well I do have a tentaive schedule with the times of photographers etc. Can you get together
    this evening? Maybe we can discuss face-to-face. That would be better for me.


    Okay, this has made me so frustrated. I am doing this to be nice and when someone does you a favor that does not mean you can shit all over them. Work is really pissing me off too. I am a consultant who does the duties of an administrative assistant. Post a comment if you think congress should provide tax incentives for companys to hire recent college grads over more experienced people!

    Baby Boomers time to move to Florida and retire let your children get ahead and out from under those assistant positions!

    Tuesday, April 01, 2003

    My Dream is NOW a Reality

    A recruiter called today from the company I love and I got the job. The pay is more than I am making now and I get 3 weeks vacation. I am going to be able to afford a sweet apartment pretty much anywhere I want in the city! This totally rocks. So long DC hello NYC!

    April Fools!

    So, the bride from this weekend was like you never told me you had other plans and things to do and I know I did. I am still helping her coordinate her wedding but at the moment it is a cluster f* because she has yet to give me any details needed to make things run smoothly.

    Happy Birthday K
    I love you so much!!!

    Last night was trash tv night at my friend E's house. It was a lot of fun E, always has people over for trashy tv Monday's it just makes the week start off all the better. Thanks E!

    Monday, March 31, 2003

    My Day at the Gov't Building that is a Certain Shape

    Oh, so I forgot to tell you when M and I got our pedicures this woman walks into the nail salon and she is like late 30's early 40's and is like I have never had a manicure what should I get. Then she gets acrylics which cost $30 and she is like oh i only have $2 left and hands it to the woman doing her nails and is like no this is for you... OY

    So, I went to a defense focused building today that is in a certain shape. If you do not get what building I am talking about then you are dumb. I took notes all day. That is about it. No job news yet. I did wear my new cashmere sweter.

    Sunday, March 30, 2003

    Nibbling on the BIG Apple

    So, I went to NY this weekend. My friend is getting married and she decided to have her bachelorette party up there. So, I took the train with her and her friends and I had every intention of hanging out with them. Here is what happened. Saturday one of my oldest friends in the whole world the Magnificent M called. She wanted to meet for brunch. After brunch, we did some houseware shopping because M loves my help in that department. We then got pedicures and then later we went to SoHo. In SoHo I got a great cashmere sweater at 70% off at Language NYC. I was going to meet up with the bachelorette party, but they saw the show Caberet, which I had seen at Big Midwestern University (BMU), so I had no desire to see again.

    So, M and I spent the whole day together and then it started to RAIN. I finally broke down and got an umbrella and headed back to K's. At K's I took a much needed nap and shower. K and I then went out for a romantic dinner for two at Sal Anthony's in Little Italy and then we met up with one of K's friends for dessert at Ferra's and a movie.

    Sunday, was spent having brunch with K's parents and trying to stay warm.It went from flip flop weather on saturday to snow on sunday. Anyways, I never caught up with the bachelorette party. My whole thing is this, I cannot stand going out with a big group and when I am in NYC I have people to see and places to go and cannot be bound by someone elses agenda.

    M,. am I missing anything???

    Friday, March 28, 2003

    Not Too Bad

    Today has not been too bad. Work is busy - which is good. I am going to NY this weekend. I am staying on top of things. I remembered to wear underwear. No mis-adventures today. I am going to go home soon and pack for new york. What should I bring??? Two nighters are so hard. The hardest is shoes.

    Thursday, March 27, 2003

    The Family Story

    This past saturday, I went out with my sibilings for one of their birthdays. I then spent the night at the birthday person's house. The next morning I get up around noon, and my sibling is on the phone with my rents. While I watch the NCAA tournament they decide to do the following. I will hang out at my sibling's apartment while my sibiling runs errands and goes to the gym. Then I will drive my sibling to my parents house so that my sibling can then go out with my parent to get their birthday gift. Then I will drive to meet my other sibling and my parents with the birthday sibling at a restaurant. Now not complicated except the apartment I was at and the restaurant are in a different state than my parents house. (we are talking Maryland to Virginia about a 45 minute drive)

    I then get pissed because no one consults me and ask if I have anything to do. So, I tell my sibling I am going home now because I have stuff to do and next time they make plans that concern me they need to consult me first.

    So was I being difficult or were they just being inconsiderate for not consulting me?

    Attack of the Fat and Ugly People

    Today was such a crappy day. I have a technical/business background and I am working on a government contract. So, I go to this meeting where first I set. Now I am not a total spaz I just do not know how to make coffee. I do not drink it why would I know how to make it? Then I am asked to take notes -- I am a visual person, not an auditory so I was not too good. Then I look over and my boss who asked me to take notes is writing down everything anyways.

    Next the meeting we are in breaks into little groups. The people discuss for a while some stuff in groups. Then the get up to present and my boss asks me to write down what they say as I am writing it is being projected on the overhead projector. Meanwhile, these people who work for the government are not attractive, they are old and most of them are over weight. They wear polyester. You know the type ughh. Are yelling at me because I am not typing as fast as they are talking plus in gov't they do not use real words they talk in acronyms. All the stuff I am writing is already written down and posting it on their website so I am ready to yell, "Don't get your panties in a bunch!"
    I do not I then give a kick ass presentation.

    A note on the acronyms, one is C&A and everytime I hear it I am like these people talk about C&A because they sure aren't getting T&A.

    Okay so I get back to the metro station where I parked my car, and I cannot find it. I walk, and walk and walk, no car. I look for it for 45 minutes including seeing a dead pigeon in a stairwell. I finally called my mom who came and drove me around til we found it. Could this day get any shittier?

    So, I have to get out of this job. It is not for me and I am becoming a mean person. I am not a mean person but this job makes me that way. I also came to the realization that Legally Blonde is sort of a sequal to Clueless (think about it)... Another conclusion is that in the vin diagram of life, there are ugly people, fat people, mean people, and people who work for the government doing something 99.9% of the people in the world care about and then there are the people who are the subsection of all of these groups, these are the people I have to deal with.

    Wednesday, March 26, 2003

    More Plopping

    Okay more about me. Those who have viewed this are like, how did you get the name Samantha Bickerstaff??? Well I combined Samantha from Sex and the City (my crazy sexy side) with Violett Bickerstaff from Saved By the Bell (my dorkier side) and made them one.

    I am pretty shallow. I like to shop. Pretty much that is about it. I sometimes workout when I feel fat but that is only occaisionally. I also watch tv, design websites, read, and write. Oh and I have a pretty decent family except for this one incident that I will talk about tomorrow.

    Intro to Plop

    Welcome to my blog. I need this blog like a hole in the head. My name is not Samantha Bickerstaff. It is something else if you are my friend you know who I am. If you are not then let me tell you about myself. I recently graduated from big midwestern university (you can try to guess). I have been working at big consulting firm X since August I have wanted to quit since July (you do the math...) I am not really sure what I do nor am I sure what I want to do, but this blog is the story of my adventures or mis-adventures.

    More about me... I am not single I have a boyfriend we will call him K. He and I have been together for 4 years. We met at big midwestern university. He is in law school in NY, which is where I would like to be rather than where I currently live which is the nation's capital.

    So I do not like my job. I am a consultant but apparently and they never tell you this in school, a consultant means you get to make copies, and attend meetings where you make coffee (i do not know how to do this), make sure people sign in, hand out paper, and take notes. Doing these task assure me my education was definitely worth it.

    Another story about my job--People are not super-friendly sometimes if you say hi to people the grunt at you! Also I heard that a girl was placed at a client site but she did not like it and stopped showing up and it too management 3 months to realize she left. This type of story inspires me to spend my day at the mall rather than in my office where I talk to maybe on a good day 3-4 people. I am a people person but apparently my team or floor is not.

    Also, I was supposed to have a performance assessment a month ago. I submitted my stuff but my manager has yet to discuss it with me and when I approach him about it, he is like yes we have to meet but never anything concrete. I think he is mad I did not attend his Christmas Party.

    You may be asking why I am not using my real name--- The reason is this I want to protect the innocent and this thing is searchable on google. So if someone googles my name I do not want to be liable in case I say something incriminating or slanderous (can't you tell i date a law school student)